Isa has incredible perspective after she lost her son Mateo. Read her story here. 💙
At 32 weeks on June 28th, 2017 I gave birth to my stillborn son, Mateo. After a day of irregular movements to what used to be tons of kicking and limbs everywhere I decided to head to the hospital to get checked just to later hear the unimaginable words, “Sorry, there is no heartbeat.” My whole world came crashing down in that small ultrasound room. I was then confronted with the decision of birthing my son right then or head home and get myself ‘ready’—we decided to go home and gather a few basic belongings and we held each other as we were slowly digesting such heartbreaking news. Later that day we got to meet our beautiful son. He had his big brother’s chubby cheeks, my husband’s dark hair and my pouty lips. In retrospect, I could see this day as the saddest day of my life but how could I describe it like that when my heart was also bursting with so much love for him. Kissing him goodbye and leaving him behind is undoubtedly the hardest things I ever had to do but I would do it all over again just to get to hold him once again, to kiss his tiny hands, to give him a warm bath, to touch his soft cheeks, to dress him in his silky gown...
What helped me the most after my loss is to connect with other moms who had endured the loss of a child. Although I knew I had a long road ahead of me, they showed me that happiness and hope were still in my horizon. My family was also a great support system. I especially thank my mom for coming to our house daily after my loss to help me around the house and simply being there.
A piece of advice to share with others would be to go at their own pace and grieve their own way. It will be painful but give yourself permission to just feel.
Some ways we remember Mateo is by speaking his name, we attend walks and memorials to honor him, we participate in different fundraising activities to raise awareness about stillbirth (@mighty.mateo_) and we speak about him to his brothers. A fellow loss mom once wrote, “Life is hard on this side of eternity” and that made me realize that I rather this eternity than to never had met him at all.
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