Angelie is so incredible and her perspective is so comforting. We are honored to share Ian with you today!
Hi, I'm Angelie. 10 years ago I married a dutchman and have lived in the Netherlands since. I am a mother of 3 boys. Ian in heaven, Lars running around and our 3rd due in Sept.
Last March my sweet Ian was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor. He had barely turned 4. After brain surgery and months of intense treatment the cancer became resistant and he passed away Nov 24, 2018.
Through it all, my faith gave me strength and perspective and still does. In the sacred and sorrowful experiences I have had in this entire experience I confidently say that our beloved angels stay near us and are very much involved in our lives. This confidence doesn't necessarily take away the pain I feel in missing Ian's physical presence in my life, but it helps me live with the new form our relationship has taken. When I quiet my mind I think of my happy boy, his beautiful personality and the love we share. In doing so I can feel his nearness. It's like when someone you know walks into the room and you know exactly who it is without even looking because you just feel them. I just know it's my Ian I feel in those moments because I know my child and the way his love feels.
I hesitate to give advice to anyone grieving the loss of a child because it's such a personal journey, but these are some of the things that have been helpful to me. First, feel all that there is to feel and connect with others who know how you feel. Though I wish nobody had to experience child-loss, I know that I am not the only one. That helps put my life experience into a broader perspective and helps me look beyond myself.
Find ways to celebrate memories and do little things that remind you of them. If you are open to it, from time to time they will let you feel or see how they are still with you. Cherish the happy memories. Looking at pictures/videos of good times with my son carries mixed feelings of joy for the memory, and deep sorrow because I miss him, but I love and am so grateful for the time we had together.
Lastly, don't try to fit yourself into a specific grief process or put a timeline on feeling 'normal' again. Life will never be the same again, and that's ok. So much love to all of you. 💙